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Figuring Out Why You Fear Marriage Working Through a Fear of Commitment Soothing Anxiety About the Future Moving Forward With Your Partner Community Q&A Despite radical social upheaval and shifts in values, marriage has survived as an institution in the West.
The fact that people keep getting married despite pre-wedding jitters may be a testament to its value.
Kelly's terror of rejection also extended beyond her relationship.
Take Kelly; her fear was taking over her life and damaging her relationships."I was always the new kid, trying desperately to be accepted, to fit in!He is afraid of relationships for very different reasons than I've ever been. I guess we have all been reluctant to trust others at some time in our lives. I surmised that he went for the less attractive girls to boost his self-esteem so he wouldn't get rejected. He admitted he would give girls his number despite having no intention of ever following up, except perhaps for sex.Historically, I've been afraid of losing my independence or yielding to someone who takes the relationship and me for granted too soon. His fear of commitment is actually a fear of rejection.We also fear, perhaps more than anything else, losing approval from others. In tribal times, being ejected from the safety of a group could have meant death. Fear should keep us alert and safe - like the beam from a lighthouse warning ships of submerged dangers.But too much fear, like a super-beam of light blinding the ship's captain, can cause the loss of the very thing we feared losing.
"Kelly was convinced that these early "outsider" experiences were at the root of her current problems: "I'm always looking for signs that my partner is about to reject me! I'm always seeking reassurance, always wondering what he really means."Seeking reassurance from other people is a dead end.